“Do not stare, it is rude. Do not allow your child to stare.”

You wouldn’t meet a new person and greet them with “You look shit, your life is shit, and your child is weird”. This is what you are saying when you tell me “I don’t know how you do it” or “He is hard to handle” or when you see a person with a disability and assume everything is difficult and horrible for them and they are hero’s ‘for living this way’. That is not validating. Only when you know me in my entirety would you have the right to comment on my life.

How do you think it makes me feel when I am desperately in love with my son, as any mother is with their child, and you only notice the negative, just think about how hard the tough times are? It feels as bad as you would imagine.

Yes, we feel a huge amount of stress, it is often unbearable. Most of the stress is from society and the ramifications of the reactions and inactions we receive everyday. The staring, rude comments, ignoring, patronising, degrading, abandonment behaviours we are subjected to from the people around us.

–  Nerida Lucas



3 thoughts on ““Do not stare, it is rude. Do not allow your child to stare.”

  1. ‘How to behave around a person with a disability?
    As you would a person without a disability.’

  2. I so hardily applaud this letter. I have a good friend with an autistic child…oh the stories she has told me! Not about him–OTHERS!

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